For sale. 2013 Honda Civic. $1. Serious shovels only.

For sale. 2013 Honda Civic. $1. Serious shovels only.

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Anyone want to buy a toddler?
She can make you as happy as me here and I can finally get that IROC I always wanted.

Anyone want to buy a toddler?
She can make you as happy as me here and I can finally get that IROC I always wanted.

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Merry Christmas!

A brush with the toilet.

 

Brushing the toilet for the guests would arrive

I splashed a spoon on me and it wrinkled my eyes

Thought then of the kids

Ripping the stairs

Down to the gifts awaiting them there.

 

I finished the job then washed myself clean

Looking into the mirror a bit longer it seemed

Things never done staring back deepest to me

I’m both partner and parent, but mostly much me.

 

But I’ve just cleaned the toilet!

And the rest to the seams!

Surely that counts?

See how it gleams!

 

The guests will adore it, they’ll rave it in toasts!

We’ll see whose toilet bowls them over the most.

 

But, dude, you’re just high, and now talking alone

Holy crap this floor’s smooth and

There’s not one single hair.

 

Santa will surely sit on this throne

When the gifts have been set and the cookies are gone.

He will roll out a Yule log then be on his way

Merriest, yet, in his less foul-smelling sleigh.

 

As I sanctioned my stance on the shimmering tile

My little one woke

And I only could smile.

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My guess is that if you dress nicely you’ll be okay, Connecticut.

My guess is that if you dress nicely you’ll be okay, Connecticut.

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You can have this one because I hate this one.

You can have this one because I hate this one.

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RUN! THE KID ATE ALL MY MESCALINE!

RUN! THE KID ATE ALL MY MESCALINE!

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I did not cry, but made out with him afterwards.

I did not cry, but made out with him afterwards.

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Yes I am the possessor of vanhalen@gmail.com and no I haven’t heard from them yet.

That’s cute.

I am the possessor of JoshuaGreenAllenBlewEddieontheOU812Tourbusandhadhismouthbaby@gmail.com.

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nikiwithissues:

That time I was all like “what?”

WHAT A GORGEOUS SOFA

nikiwithissues:

That time I was all like “what?”

WHAT A GORGEOUS SOFA

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iPhone Scrabble?

Anyone?
I’m awryone.
Prepare to be ZIPPERED DOUBLE LETTER Z TRIPLE WORD SCORED UPON.

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